Some examples
Raising an Ancestor
Finale for Environmental Humanities and Global Health with Prof. Theidon - Spring 2022
Throughout this semester, I have been reflecting on one of the earlier discussions about a reframing of our responsibilities to our communities and environment that looks beyond the living generations and instead as all we have being borrowed by generations we will never meet. If we raise ancestors – then the choices we make will surely be informed by the stories of our ancestors. As I look to my own family, there are stories of ancestors who have characteristics I wish to emulate in their way of caring for each other, centering education, and so on. Other elements are less desirable when they are extractive of people, natural resources, environments, etc. Looking at my children, they have extracted ancestors in their father’s side who survived slavery and Jim Crow America. While they should be proud of the strength it took their ancestors to survive these horrors, it is our project in raising them as future ancestors to heal those wounds so the harms of extraction are not passed on further.
This thought framework, inspired by indigenous traditions, including the concept of the seventh generation, as well as models like the ‘evolved nest,’ laid the groundwork for my approach to creating a birth plan.[1] I recognize that the resources I assume are at the disposal of whomever would utilize this plan denote a certain level of privilege and access, but I attempted to include as much gender diversity, family diversity and cultural diversity as possible.
As we have centered care throughout the semester, I wanted to imagine it more explicitly in the context of welcoming a new child into the world. This is for a few reasons, which are largely rooted in my own experience. Before exploring those, I want to be clear that this project is rooted very much in the lessons of reproductive justice. Pregnant people should not only have access to choice regarding the decision to bring children into the world, and so this resource I made is for those who wish to expand their families with a child and are able to do so. In the frame of reproductive justice, too, choice is not enough – and a hope of this resource is that it will encourage all involved in the childbirth process to center justice and care in their relative capacities.[2] Additionally, many resources and birth plans assume that everything will go exactly as planned. Even when there are no negative health outcomes, that is often not the case. I wanted to create a positive and hopeful birth plan, but one that fully acknowledged that childbirth is dangerous and scary at times, and all outcomes are not desired.
This is where trauma awareness comes in. Many people who give birth will have experienced trauma at some point in their lives, and the experience of childbirth is frequently a traumatic one in and of itself. This can be due to health issues and pain, but it can also be due to abuse inflicted by providers.[3] I argue that all involved in healthcare at any level should be required to have robust training in trauma-informed care, and my experience is that it is shockingly lacking in obstetric care. Patients should not have to disclose traumatic experiences and fight for trauma-informed care – it should be a given. Given childbirth’s role as a potential source of trauma, and the understanding we have of how trauma can be passed down to future generations, it is shocking how lacking this care is. In order to raise the ancestors we wish to have, it is in all of our interest to break these cycles of trauma – and there is a real opportunity to do so in the pregnancy, childbirth and postpartum phases.
Another set of balances I wanted to express in this project was in the context of pregnancy, childbirth and breastfeeding that are often considered the most ‘natural’ of human experiences, and the medical context. There are some jarring experiences and opportunities for some real improvements without sacrificing medical integrity. First, any assumption of instinct should be thrown out the window. Through doulas (unfortunately, I have no personal experience to draw from here), lactation consultants, nurses and other providers, as well as the community around us as birth parents who have also had these experiences, there is a tremendous need for honest and supportive information-sharing. Too often this does not occur because it is so laced with judgment. Reducing the judgment on choices for how to feed one’s child or what pain relief to use or not during labor would help birthing parents make informed, safe and supported choices.
Similarly, care during pregnancy treats the baby and pregnant person’s bodies as very connected (as they undoubtedly are). However, this is essentially ignored as soon as the baby is born. However, whether breastfeeding or not, there are continued connections and significant changes in hormones and the like – the impacts of pregnancy do not disappear overnight. Pediatricians, gynecologists and others involved in baby and parent care would do well to continue to understand how both people are doing at postpartum visits to identify how they are impacting each other physically (if the baby is not gaining weight and is breastfed, does the breastfeeding parent have a physical issue that needs to be addressed? Rather than judge them for having an underweight baby, providers should try to identify any issues and then collaborate with the parent(s) to find solutions for the both the parent and child’s health).
Of course, there is the issue of mental health care for birth parents.[4] Any parent eagerly and excitedly awaiting the arrival of a new child wants to have a positive experience. No matter how desired a pregnancy and child are, these experiences are full of intense hormonal shifts, tremendous physical discomfort, disruption, physical pain and more. And yet, there is a persistent pressure to be happy at all times about this process. Again, removing judgment and pressure of this kind would allow expecting and new parents to be more open about challenges and gain access to the supports they need.
Some seemingly small details can have a huge impact. Medical providers who deal with childbirth day in and day out are clearly expert, but they are not the ones experiencing the symptoms and going through this potentially terrifying process personally in that moment. Birthing parents should be considered experts in their own bodies and experiences, and therefore listened to as such. I struggle, therefore, with many of the birth plans you can find online. They are, quite frankly, pretty ridiculous (I did not have one for either pregnancy – I just shared with the team my preferences if possible, and asked that we keep an open door of communication (lesson learned from my first) to check-in on how I was still feeling about any given preference when the decision point arrived). Continual monitoring and certain medical policies exist as best practices or even required, but are presented to expecting parents as choices or options. I think it is important for medical providers to communicate openly where choices exist. The more detail a birth plan includes, the more opportunity there is for disappointment and anger. So, my approach in this project is to center communication and care. Communication includes expressing how best to communicate, and when those preferences might change – level of detail, with whom, etc. Care includes the medical and physical care involved, but also attending to the environment including privacy for partners to prepare themselves for this new life and encouragement through those moments when it seems impossible to continue through the pain and fear.
In the end, I think the exercise of centering communication and care with a trauma-informed approach, while pondering one’s family’s past and imagined future, will help people bring in a stronger and more caring next generation and help break cycles of harm. And, in bringing such thoughtfulness into the fabric of the family and community of caregivers, we can raise ancestors who are not extractors but nurturers.
What is included:
Bringing home an ancestor: This is where I spent the bulk of my energy in this project. This is where, at each stage of expecting and welcoming a baby, I include ‘points to ponder’ and ideas for care, as well as encouragement for how to approach communication between all those involved in bringing a new life into the world. At each phase, I set the stage with how the baby’s nest is impacted, along with these recommendations and questions to ponder.
Note: My project included other elements not included here.
Conclusion:
I really enjoyed going through this exercise. I recognize the limitations based on personal experience and assumptions of access and resources. In continuing to extend this project, I would love to see this adapted in more culturally-specific ways, and really used as a tool for justice. Ultimately, being able to make these decisions should not be dependent on privilege.
Additionally, I want to recognize that not all people can have the families they wish to have, and sometimes that is due to tragic events during the pregnancy, childbirth and postpartum phases. Whether the birthing parent or the child, unspeakable loss is a reality. I conclude this project by extending care by giving space for this grief and loss.
[1] https://www.7genfoundation.org/7th-generation/, https://www3.nd.edu/~dnarvaez/EDST.htm, https://evolvednest.org/
[2] https://harpers.org/archive/2020/09/a-litany-for-survival-black-maternal-mortality/ - a beautiful sharing of how essential reproductive justice is
[3] Some examples: https://www.npr.org/sections/goatsandsoda/2019/10/14/769065385/why-are-midwives-and-nurses-slapping-and-yelling-at-mothers-during-childbirth, https://www.vice.com/en/article/pa7mv8/obstetric-violence-childbirth-women-allege-doctors-abused-them, https://www.statnews.com/2019/11/08/new-parents-providing-feedback-difficult-childbirth-experiences/
[4] https://www.nytimes.com/2020/03/26/us/coronavirus-pregnancy-maternal-health-system.html
#MeToo and Agape
Written for MSJC (Marianist Social Justice Collaborative) newsletter - Justice Jottings
Tarana Burke’s #MeToo Campaign was recently reignited following the breaking news of the Harvey Weinstein sexual harassment scandal. Yet in the following weeks as new accusations against other powerful individuals came to light, I encountered only silence at Mass. At an anti-human trafficking symposium I recently attended, one woman invited those in attendance to challenge their priests to speak on that subject and it made me realize that the silence from the pulpit on sexual harassment might be something else I need to challenge.
Sexual harassment and assault are not easy topics to discuss. For anyone. I also know this is not an easy topic to broach with a parish priest in order to request that he bring this subject to light at Mass. I have brought my #MeToo experience up privately with my pastor on a number of occasions as I have worked through some of my own struggles. And while I appreciate the time he has spent with me individually on the topic, I still wish that he would address it more publicly. He has found a way to address other sensitive topics in his homilies (eg, LGBT rights, increased roles for women in the church, gun violence), yet sexual violence is never mentioned. I do understand it is an uncomfortable topic, and that the Church has a complicated history with sexual abuse, particularly with how publicly it played has played out in the Archdiocese of Boston.
Yet, as traumatic as sexual violence is, we have to come to terms with the fact that, statistically speaking, about 25% of women in the pews have experienced assault and even more have experienced harassment, and there are also significant numbers of men affected. It is pervasive in our society and yet it largely goes unspoken. Even at my darkest moments, the pain of silence was worse than the pain of having these experiences treated as invisible. And when spoken about, the reaction of ‘well, at least it wasn’t your fault’ minimizes the suffering and implies that the victim bears some of the shame. Both silence and minimizing tell suffering members of our community that their pain is inconvenient at best. Neither does anything to heal.
One of the best responses I received from sharing some of my own experiences was from my middle school headmaster, who I trusted with my story as an adult based on his consistent treatment of me with dignity and respect, even as a child. When I shared my own #MeToo experience he became quiet, but when he spoke he shared with me a message of Agape. He said the love he wanted to share with me, and the love he wished for me, and the love he assured me that God had for me, was Agape. His conversations with me since then have echoed that message, one that has stayed with me as a deep source of peace.
So, how can we as a larger Church community react differently? I don’t have a perfect answer. Perhaps we start by providing women with safe settings to tell their stories in our faith communities. Perhaps we challenge our religious educators to address this issue with their male and female students. If we are comfortable, we can ask our pastors to incorporate this topic into their homilies in the context of Respect for the Dignity of the Human Person, the first tenet of Catholic Social Teaching.
If we bring this problem to light, we can find fellowship in our strength and survival and feel that here, in our faith communities, our pain has been acknowledged and our value and worth affirmed. Simply naming the issue in our churches could say: I see your pain, I see your struggle, I am here, this community is here, we can heal together. You are strong but you are not alone. You have the strength of a community of God to hold you on the bad days and celebrate your good ones; you are loved and have immense dignity that cannot be stolen. This community is a manifestation of Agape.
Please challenge your faith communities to be more open about the reality of sexual harassment and violence. The invitation to God’s table must acknowledge the burdens people carry with them and seek to lighten each other’s loads. The Church often seems so many steps behind the national discourse - let’s do our part to move it forward.
More to come!
Please stay tuned